sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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