no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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