Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
