I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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