note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
What drink are we having for lunch?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
