I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize