When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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