idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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