and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We are all done wearing pants today
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
