I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Randomize
