I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
