I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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