Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
