That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
