3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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