He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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