brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
