Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Randomize
