batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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