I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
