I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
