Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
