I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
