dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
