Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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