its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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