it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
only you would photoshop your dick
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
