It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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