He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
