I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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