she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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