my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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