dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
This toilet bowl is my home.
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