Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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