I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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