i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You ate ashes out of my bong
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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