I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
