Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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