Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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