Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
