I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
