Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize