I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
