Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
