so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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