Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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