She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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