you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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