why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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