Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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