peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
