i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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