it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
