Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize