I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
