we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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