Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
