When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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