Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
