capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
