Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
