She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
