My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
