We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
