We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
