i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
