GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
