It's Friday. Sex?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
