I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
