I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize