Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize