i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
