It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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